Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Living with sheeeit

I'm planning to rent the house out when I leave... fully furnished.   When I say fully furnished, I mean I want to leave everything... not remove a single item.  (Ok, I suppose I'll have to clean out the closets so the people can have space for their stuff but that's beside the point ;).  Do I really give a shit about all this stuff? NO!  Yet, why do I have gazillions of "things"? 
I've said a million times I dont care what people think... but that's a bunch of hogwash when I really analyze it.  Every single time someone comes over for the first time (even after that really) I spew out about a million disclaimers of, "This isn't done, that's not finished, I have these plans for that, this will eventually be done there, dont pay attention to this" etc.  Every time someone gets in my dirty ass car I give disclaimers, when I show people my work I give disclaimers, when I freaking just act like myself sometimes I even give disclaimers!!!!  What's wrong with this picture?  Im like a false perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect, but it never is, so I try to give excuses for why it's not?  I'm buying stuff to fill and decorate a house because that's what you do and especially as an architect I should have a nice house, right? But I hate shopping and I def. dont like spending money on stuff (Im a 'moments' type big-spender) ... I could live in a 10x10 shack and be just fine. Is it all about impressing?  But who? Those of you who I truly care about and who care about me don't care what I "have."  Who's a pychologist and can help me out with this?
Maybe a good starting point for the solution is that if you hear me start giving an excuse for why something I have/do/say/act isn't perfect, tell me to shut the heck up! Please and Thanks!!! :)

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