Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Types of Assholes

I had to interrupt my Denver post for this important annoucement:

Being a Considerate person toward others is quite possibly the easiest, while still being one of the most pleasant qualities you can have!!! 

Seems so simple, right?! This doesn't even mean being nice!!! It's simply "showing kindly awareness or regard for another's feelings, circumstances, etc." (that's straight from  But noooooo!  Today has been one rude person after another and it's soooooo awful!  I actually had to walk out of the building department this morning, without saying g'bye to any of the "considerate" people, because I could feel the tears welling up and didnt want to embarrass myself in a professional setting!!!  ...and when those tears well up there's no stopping them! It doesnt even matter that it's not personal, or that it doesn't matter, or that the issue will get fixed anyways.... I just get so emotional when simple consideration, perhaps just even an acknowlegdment, for a fellow (wo)man can't be given. 

What's up with that? I have this theory about assholes... do they really know they are assholes? I think some are just plain assholes and have no problem being so. But, I have to believe that a majority of the asshole moves we come across in daily life are just because the person doesn't actually realize it's a douchebag move (they are oblivious or self centered), or does it and then feels bad about it (temporary assholishness is what I call it when I do it;).

1- Genuine Asshole (aka Douche)
2- Oblivous/Self centered Asshole
3- Temporary and Remorseful Asshole

You can take most of the stuff that irritates you and put it into any of the 3 categories-- but it's usually just a guess as to which it is.  Say you're in a one way parking lot waiting to get out, when the car in front of you passes a farther away open space in order to wait for a dude walking out with 7 kids and 2 carts of groceries.  To park 4 spaces closer to the store?  HOLY moly.. really? ... Said driver can honestly be any of the 3 types:  (1)- Total bieeeoootch watching you squirm in the rearview mirror while laughing like a hyena, (2) she sees you but is totally ignorant to that fact that you may not want to wait for 10 extra minutes to save her 30 steps, or (3) she didnt notice you behind her cuz she's making a grocery list for her sick kid at home, finally notices you too late, and says to herself "shit, im a jerk"  and waves 'I'm sorry'.

Another example:

You enter a public bathroom and there is pissy all over the seat and turds left in the toilet... yuck!!  The perpetraitor?? Could be (1) a true asshole,  Isnt that what cleaning people are for? ( i dont condone this!) or (2), Completely self centered and couldn't even imagine having to touch the flusher or put paper down first to actually sit. or (3) they ran in, in serious have-to-go mode, was such in a rush they couldnt wipe the seat first or risk peeing their pants, and then, during the pee got a call that their car was being towed, and ran out like a bat out of hell. Maybe they even come back in after the debacle to clean up!

Last example:

Someone comments on a physical trait that you have no control over (i.e. big nose, big ears, hairy arms, etc) and it's not directly an insult- but clearly on the verge.  For instance, not long ago someone says to me, "wow, you've got big feet."  Okay, so either (1) they are a total assssholio and passively trying to make me feel self conscience about myself,  (2)  they've never been taught 'not to say anything if you dont have anything nice to say', or (3) maybe they have a foot fetish and some how forgot to include the words, "...and I love them!" to turn it into a compliment. :)

Sometimes my "made-up-story" for #3 can be a stretch... but I try to always assume it's #3, because you really never do know what's going on it someone's life.  Shit, what if someone's family just died or something terribly awful happened so that's why they arent paying attention? Or maybe they had no parents and were raised by wolves and never learned common courtesy??  This is a philosophy that has helped me get through many a situation, including traffic jams, insulting remarks, getting cut off,
totally UN-helpful employees, bad work ethics, etc.

BUT, on occasion, (like today!!!) there is absolutely no doubt that the person is anything but a total jerkkkkkkk, I cant come up with ANY story to make me think anything but how much this person SUCKSSSSSSSS ... and that's when I cry! hahaha.  SERIOUSLYYYYY THOUGH!  How can you enjoy life when you're making other people sad?  Maybe reverse physcology will work with these people....I think I should pass out stickers that say, "Love your enemies, it pisses them off ."

Soooo, the moral of today's story boys and girls... is to be nice to me or I might cry :)  Orrrrrrrrr on a grander scale...

Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. ~Jesse Jackson

Everybody, my friend, everybody lives for something better to come. That's why we want to be considerate of every man - Who knows what's in him, why he was born and what he can do?
Maxim Gorky

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown

Feel free to share your Asshole stories or theories :)


  1. I pooped on toilet seat the other day because I was hoovering. Would have cleaned up but I forgot my 409 and wasn't about to wad up 30 sheets of single ply just to smear it around. Sorry, BJ :(

  2. I have big feet. I had someone tell me they look like talens and then he tried to make a sound like a vulture. Know what I did? I married him! Bet he'll never be an asshole to anyone ever again!