Friday, January 20, 2012

Hooray for Aloneness!!!

Don’t listen to Webster! Aloneness and Loneliness are NOT synonyms!!  These enlightened people have soooo got the lock on this one!  Here are Osho’s definitions:

“Loneliness is an absence. It is a state when you are ill with yourself, bored with yourself, tired of yourself, and you want to go somewhere and to forget yourself in being involved with somebody else.  Aloneness is positive, health, the joy of being yourself, of having your own space. Aloneness is when you are thrilled just by your being. You are blissful just by being alone.”

Wow! Yes! Loooooove this ‘thing’ I already was subconsciously aware of, and knew I needed more of, but didn’t have a name for-  this state called Aloneness :).   Last year, my friend Meli lived with me, and sometimes in the 5 minutes we saw each other (both of us were constantly in go-go-go mode), we would talk about how crazy it was that people get bored!  We would daydream about how nice it would be to actually a have moment to just be!  Just be and be happy about it, without the next item on the to-do list nagging on your brain!  Even here at the ashram, with the quintessential free-time 'vacation’ I’m on... I can’t even ponder getting bored! :)   Just had a great idea... next time you get bored, draw me a picture or sing me a song and email it to me :)

hahah.. kinda true ;)
 I remember one night, Meli mentioned that I’m ‘so social’ and always like to be with people.  I was like noooooooo way jose!  Certainly when I’m around people, I can step into the role of social butterfly..  Butttt, that def doesn’t mean I always need to be around people!  In fact, you might’ve heard me complain that there’s always too much going on and that I need to live out in the country so I wont know of all the available events and can do my own thing (one of my 1,123 reasons to do this trip!).  I have this annoying habit that I don’t like to ‘miss anything’... cuz what if it’s awesome and then I wish I would have gone :/. I think Im getting better at listening to myself as I get older, but I still do that... even here at the Ashram! A few times I’d have rather kept working but ‘didn’t want to miss what could be a great meditation’. Ha!  Back in Miami, with working all day, and then having some social event, or a sporty thing, or some other thing I couldn’t say no to, I barely had time to sit still, let alone find what realllly was going to fulfill me!  And since I absolutely adore my friends, there was only so long I could go before I made sure to make the effort for some one-on-one quality time. What a problem right?  I know, poor me, I have too many friends ;)  ohhh I do miss you guys though!

Someone anonymously commented on my last blog the other day asking if I was lonely , but in fact,  I’ve been craving the opposite, more aloneness!!!!  More opportunity to really discover what fulfills me!! Isn’t Aloneness cool? ohhh, but that’s not it!!! There’s even MORE awesomeness!! :

When you are Alone, need has disappeared, you are enough unto yourself.  But now, a new thing arises in your being you have so much that you cannot contain it. You have to share, you have to give. and whoever accepts your gifts, you will feel grateful that the person has accepted. Sharing makes you more centered, more integrated, more proud-- but not more egoistic, simply proud that existence has been compassionate to you.  You are giving because you are so full you have to give.

OMGosh this is sooooo what is happening with me!!!  I actually had written months ago in the “why the blog”  section that I have been beyond blessed in this life, and if I can in some way pass on those blessings, I’ll feel good about my life!!! Even the last 6 months in Miami I was much happier having the blog as an outlet to share!  Since I’ve been here at the Ashram, with time and opportunity to meditate (letting ‘my flower’ grow out of me!!) and getting to do just about whatever my heart desires....  I’m really learning what that flowering is: To Create, to Share, and to Inspire!!!  Whatever it is doesn’t really matter- an art project, a blog, a house design, an inspirational saying, an efficient improvement, an invention, a smile, a book (yep, I’m starting it!) --- I just feel soooo much joy inside of meeee and I need to shareeeeee!!!!!!  ohhhhh the clarities that have befallen me here are INCREDIBLE!!!! 

ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!  I have SUCH excitement and joy in my life right now!!! My heart is just overflowing with the juices of life and w/ love and gratitude for every person and moment that I have had in my life thus far!   To my incredibly supportive family, to my real true forever friends (who weren’t offended that I basically said above I needed to get away from you for a while!), to everyone I’ve crossed paths with to get me to this moment, and to all the people who continue to support me thru this blog, letting me share with you:  I hope you have or can soon find your Aloneness and your inner Flower!!!  I think the real journey is just getting started, maybe for you and me both, so THANK YOU and lets rockkkk this life!!!

Always loved this quote... now it’s even more symbolic to me :)  Share share share!

So, am I lonely?  No, not an issue! As far as wanting a special someone in my life? If it happens, I can’t deny that I would welcome the addition, especially after having a reminder tasting of those feelings just before I left. But, in my case, ‘expecting’ is a big issue for me in relationships.  I’m learning you need to be able to give yourself unconditional love and acceptance before you are really ready for a relationship, so you aren’t ‘asking’ for anything from the other in order be happy. Just giving love unconditionally.  I can’t help but think that nothing has worked out thus far in my life so I could really be ready for pure, untainted love... and that is a whoooole new blog topic!!! Aren’t you excited??! hehe :)

(p.s. anonymous commenter from last blog- I cant reply to comments on here! Feel free to email me and I’ll satisfy your curiosities!)


  1. that's some deep shit......

  2. Hey Becky -

    Thanks for sharing your newfound insights and your JOY!! What nice reading to start my day...

    What you say in the last paragraph is soooo true, except the part about nothing having worked out thus far in your life. Psshhaw! You are simply 'in training,' so that when the perfect person for you crosses your path, you will be ready!!

    Thanks again for the inspiration :)

  3. Becky,

    To me, you always had a light about you and such self-confidence. To date, I still tell people you were the best athlete I ever knew. Not just based on skill entirely (You had plenty of that!), but because of the attitude you had. Never boastful, always trying to help people, and being the positive and inspiring person you are.

    My dad, ol' Gary Emery has always said two important things to me that I've always remembered: "Only boring people get bored," (funny you mentioned that here) and "What's the cure for boredom? ADVENTURE!"

    In response to your relationship status, I will say to you that for probably two or more years I drug around this notion of "Why hasn't IT happened?" and I was so consumed with wanting that I had forsaken myself. It wasn't until I let all of those feelings go and focused on what mattered in my life that true love was realized in my life.

    I'm so happy that you're bursting at the seams with life. Live your bliss, Beej!

    Take care sweetheart,

    Natalie Emery

    P.S. If you get that book into draft form, you let me know! I do editing and book marketing. :)

  4. Just now reading this particular piece (Nov. 2013!). What I have discovered is that most people are very freaked out by being alone. I have given this subject so much thought, I could write a lengthy blog of my own on it! The ability to enjoy aloneness, quietness, aloneness in the noise of a crowd is so foreign to many people. Yet, this is EXACTLY what most people need... to realize their potential. It is in moments of aloneness that our souls speak & can be heard, telling their human body who they really are and what they are really capable of!