YYEEEESSSSSSSSSSS, I'M THIRTY!!!!!! and yes I'm actually excited about it!!!! Honestly!!! So many people dread this birthday- Pashawwwww I say! Lordy lordy what a phenomenal 30 years I’ve had so far!!!! How can I not celebrate this???!!!
My twenties were out of this world. Many many things I’m proud of... where I’ve been able to go and see, and what I’ve been able to accomplish, do, be, become... it set the bar quite high for future decades! ...annnnnd there were probably equally as many things I’ll never tell about!!! The twenties should be wild and crazy and without regrets... and I lived that up to a T! It was beyond a doubt exciting and fun (which is summed up pretty good in this video if you haven’t seen it ;) and if I never do another ridiculously fun thing in my life I would still say I had an amazingly fun life (oh, but you know I will :). Without knowing it was happening, I became a clique, in that this decade was about 'finding myself'; where my real joy comes from, what's really important to me, learning my traits and characteristics and deciding to either accept them or add them to the work-on-this list :). It was full of true love, of awful heartbreak, growing maturity, acting idiotically, of building experience and accepting my naivety, of blossoming true friendships, shedding of false ideals and realizing I can't please everyone. I feel so at peace with who I am right now, and can only hope to be as happy at 40 :)
Now.... for my thirties! I hold pure, honest, raw excitement for them.... with no clue what I’m in for :). I have no idea where I’ll be next week, let alone next year or 5! But that’s okay because my life is going to go where it needs to go, for sure :). A few things for certain: I'm going to do what makes me happy. I'm going to do what helps me make other people happy. Im going to be out in nature. Im going to travel, a lot. I’m going to stay childlike because it’s a beautiful way to enjoy the world. I’m going to love saying I’m 30 for more respect in my profession! I’m going to try and spend as much time w/ my fam and friends as possible. I’m going to love as much as my heart can dish out! I’m going to learn from as many people and things and experiences as possible and appreciate every bit of it! And I'm definitely going to have a family! Whether or not that includes a man is a moot point! I hope it does (it’s more fun that way ;) ), but at some point this decade, if I’m still trekking solo, I’m adopting! India certainly has adorable babies!!
My smile lines are starting to make a showing and I’ve got a few grey (purplish) hairs, but I’ve got a confidence that makes me feel beautiful. I can’t even tell you how many people have told me I give off a great vibe since I started this trip! I’m not going to act like I’ve got all the answers, as I‘ve got an infinity of growing still to do, but as cheesy as it is to say so, 90% of winning in this game of life is attitude, and so I’m off to a great start!! And I do feel like it’s a fresh start... a new phase of this life where I'm not as stressed about why as much. It just is. And I’m beginning it with family and friends that love me, a healthy, athletic body with a little extra here and there... (more to love!), an open mind, open heart and open hands, a little money, and a mass gratitude for everything I have been lucky enough to experience that has gotten me to this exact point, sitting on my bed in India, waiting for my friend to pick me up for a sunrise moto ride and meditation (not a bad start to 30!) My bag next to me, packed for an overnight dirty-thirty (mud bath there will be!) birthday trip w/ new friends in the jungle! Yippppeeee!!!!
I talk lots of my happiness, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get sad. You can’t know one without the other. Yesterday was quite emotional for me in fact. One might guess it was because it was my last day in my 20’s..but that didn’t even cross my mind. It was an emotional day because I had a dream, a vision, and I realized it was lost. It doesn’t matter what. If you invest a lot of your time and emotions and efforts into something, when it doesn’t pan out, it’s sad. Fact of life! But even thru the tears I am happy, because I know it must not have been the right dream. :). Jack Canfield, a famous inspirational writer, talks about his life as a salesman. He says he used to sell knives or vacuums or something that no one ever wants :)! He was getting really down and depressed about it until one day he decided he needed a fresh perspective. He realized for about every 25 sales pitches he would get one ‘yes’. From then on, when he would get a ‘no’, he would thank the person profusely!!! One more ‘no’ closer to his next ‘yes’! Good one Jack!
So for that morning, I decided to let myself cry it out. Cry it out and eat chocolate cake (Every woman knows calories dont count when you are crying) ;). hehe
|Yes I did and yes it was delicious and no I don't regret it :)|
It was actually a very nice/funny experience. The 'loss realization' happened early in the morning... but I shoved it deep down in and didn’t let it phase me. I met up w/ a group of people for a 4k run (felt soooo good to run!), a short yoga class, and a nice breakfast. Then I was off to my first Bollywood Dance lesson!!! Wellllll, kindof. I arrive..... and it’s a pre-k children’s dance class! HHHAHAHHHHHHA! This should have been funny.... and it was, but my laugh came out as tears welling up my eyes!!! I excused myself, and sat on a bench outside the studio and cried quietly, the deep down disappointment not willing to stay down any more. Within just a few minutes a man/wife came to check on me... which made me cry harder. I promise I’m okay and they go, but then the mothers (waiting for their kids dancing-ha!) came to get me! Pretty much made me come back and sit with them, held my hand even, and told me it will be okay! hhaa! It was so sweet. If I was alone, it wouldn’t have been so many tears, but with 7 Indian mothers starting at me, I cried harder! Towards the end, one says, “Be strong. When you are weak, people hurt you.”
I found this funny.... if she only knew how strong I can be! But you have to let people in, you have to trust, you have to be vulnerable. Because although ‘being vulnerable can be the core of fear, shame, and our struggle for worthiness, ....vulnerability is also the birthplace of real joy, creativity, belonging and love.” Watch this Video about it-- soooo good!! It’s 20 mins, but I promise it’s worth the length, set aside time to watch!
We wouldn’t know how great light is if we didn’t know darkness. You cant have love without hate, peace without war, compassion without anger. And so it is with happiness. We can’t know great happiness without some sadness. The best thing about it is to feel it, accept it, and know it’s happened for some reason (maybe never to be known to us) and move back to happiness :)
Today, since it’s my birthday, do me a favor: Forget your shitty job, or your no job. Forget being lonely. Forget feeling ugly or fat. Forget what you don’t like about yourself or what is driving you crazy. As a birthday present to me, be completely and utterly happy today. Be grateful. Be vulnerable. Love yourself, all of yourself. Say I love you to as many people as possible today. Don’t wait for a birthday to send love to someone important to you. Keep doing it all day and smile at every person you see. Today is the be happy for who you are and what you are and where you are and how you are and why you are who you are day :) Please and thank you!