Friday, March 21, 2014

Babiessss!!

Max was born!!!! On March 12 (only 11 days late) at 8lbs 10oz, 21 inches, he is perfection! Proud parents Sam and Kate are doing great, and I’m totally tickled to have been dubbed his ‘Fairy-Fun-Mother’ :)!!


Adorable to the max, Max! 

I feel enormous pride and an actually warmth in my heart knowing this child is getting an amazing head start to life by having two stellar human beings as parents! Sam and Kate are two of my favorite people, they are just awesome in every sense of the word. What love and wise guidance he will experience!!!! :) Can’t wait to douse him in kisses!! Yayyyy Baby!!!!

Yayyy babiessss actually! Quite a few newborns have graced by FB these past few weeks! My crossfit coach is preggo and one of my BFF’s (Jill-do-ram!) is preggo too! Not to mention all my friends who have bigger babies (aka kids) ;).

Watching and listening to them and others talk about their children, about parenting, about how “it’s the hardest but best thing ever”... I get it. I’m sooo down to be there one day!

Of all the cool stuff I’ve done and get to keep doing, I just know Motherhood will be the ultimate for me. I think mostly because I have a natural desire to share and guide, but love the concept of giving huge wings to let fly and just watch what happens. It’s definitely a vision that I have to keep reigns on (as in, technically I could make it happen any Friday night ;) because I’ve got some other things I want to follow thru with first :).

What am I waiting for? The answer one would assume, is a man... but in actuality, that’s really a small factor in it for me :) hahah!  I def love the idea of sharing a long life and family with some amazing man forever.  I also really love aloneness, and change and evolution, and I’m digging my perfectly fantastic singleness (see this blog for more on that!). I am endlessly fascinated by what I’ve learned from the powerful loves as well the gut-wrenching pains of all my remarkable and necessary past relationships. I’m not opposed to the idea that more of those happen and I continue to learn until.... the end of time? One special one? Who knows, I’m excited with whatever it will be. :)

So this brings up a conundrum. How can I say I am eager be a mother... yet be in zero rush to have a boyfriend? Ahh, because I know everything happens as it should and as I make it. I love being fervently open-minded, because it makes recognizing, and then letting go of societies subliminal messages so much easier, reproduction traditions definitely being one of them.

First of all, motherhood as a female requisite is such an unfortunate pigeonhole, a terrible pressure that too many ladies face! Having a child is such a HUGE and personal decision. Impatient grammy's need a chill pill :). Shout out to the ladies feeling the pressure that you must, and you must at a certain time! You don’t! Here’s an awesome read if you’re there and feeling that undue stress. It's as personal and unique of a decision as is the people we are attracted to, the styles we like or the food that tastes good to us. Our diversity is what makes life so awesome.

Personally, I super duper want kiddos. Ditching the notion that that meant ‘birth’ has given me immense freedom, peace of mind, and has been a huge element in carving out my giant lovely home within happiness. In my 20‘s I wouldn’t even date a guy that had kids because I didn’t think I’d be able to love them as much as I would a birthed baby. After living at the orphanage in Africa, I’ve completely dumped that notion. Thank you, open mind and experience, for giving me that gift :)

Amidst all the pregnancies and new babies, I came across this fantastic video about societal gender roles that totally impacted me. Take a look (it's only 2:27mins)!

Wowza!!!!! I’m definitely guilty of such interactions with little ones: asking little boys to flex their muscles, or little girls to show me their pretty dolls. Whoaaaa! Society is SOOOO sneaky that way!!! I'm thrilled to be gaining realization of this slippery slope!

I’m also reading a fantastic book on empathy that touches on how the stereotypes of the male and female start from birth, with most of us buying into the limited gender roles we force on young-ins without even realizing it. The author Karla Mclaren (who I loooove) smartly says this:

“Most of our valenced ideas about gender roles for males and females are socially created; they’re not biologically or objectively true, and they can’t be found in the brains of infants. But because so few people understand the difference between objective reality and socially constructed reality, these myths and falsehoods gain the status of concrete truth. Accordingly, many little girls are encourages to become relatively inactive people who love to talk emotions and social relationships, while little boys are urged to stop crying at a certain age, even when they’ve been hurt deeply. Boys are given guns and trucks and told to man up, stop crying, there’s nothing to be afraid of, stop being girly, stop talking about feelings, and basically stop being fully alive. When we enforce gender stereotypes, we actually reduce the intelligence, the emotional capacity, the empathic skills, and the very humanity of little boys and girls.”

YESSSS!!! This is so intuitive, but a great example of how easy it is to just accept what is the norm around us!!!! Women often complain about the unemotional side of men, are they simultaneously and subconsciously teaching that to their sons?  Whoa!   This def got me thinking more and more about my personal thoughts on how motherhood might look for me, and I decided to share:

1. I love the idea of giving birth, because it’s a special and indescribable experience, and I love experiences!!!! If it happens, awesome, if not, there’s other options. Flexibility is the key to my happiness. 

2. If the time comes, I’d def consider insemination before tying myself to someone less that fantastic. I see no problem with single parenthood. Sure, it’s harder. But so are lots of things. I know a shit ton of people raised by one parent, and they are just as equally probable to have ups and downs as all the rest. 

3. I’m highly considering becoming an egg donor. I’ve got AWESOME genes to pass on. Is it egotistical to say that? Or is it a shame to not let them live on? :). Obviously I think the latter, and the beauty is it’s up to others to pick my DNA if they like it. 

4. I absolutely want to adopt!!! Whether the opportunity comes to have a child naturally or not, I still plan to adopt. In fact, twins :). In my dream world, I’ll give birth to twins AND adopt twins! How awesome would that be?? So awesome :). 

5. In fact, I LOVE the idea of adopting 5 or 6 year olds because then you can bond first, and know you ‘click’. I still miss and think about “Godblessy” from the orphanage often! He was such a stud :). PLUS, since I will be starting later in life, an older adoption allows more time to enjoy them as adults... which is when the real awesomeness starts. My mom is my bestest friend in the world, and everyday I pray she lives to 123 :). Thanks mom for being such a stellar example that I will ever look up too (and sorry I was a shithead in my teens :) 

6. If nothing else, I’ll become a Big Brother/Big Sister, spend lots of time volunteering, become a nanny, the best babysitter ever, or surely get a dog and a pet pig! I once misunderstood people who were so attached to their animals. My awareness of a parental longing has vastly widened my understanding. I still flinch a little when someone calls themself ‘mommy’ in reference to an animal, but to each their own! You never know, I might do it one day too ;) 


So true in my case :) 


So, yes, I’ve got babies on the mind!!! Certainly no rush, as I've got seriously awesome plans on the horizon, but as the ultimate forward thinker, I def dream about how I’ll raise my kids. Vaguely, generally, and open-mindedly, because I am also the ultimate change-plans lover :). My college boyfriend and I had a few disagreements back then, when I was adamant I wanted to raise kids in the christian church. He didn’t. How funny to have a very different outlook now :). The only thing permanent is impermanence.




Have a most wonderful weekend!!!!  Happy Equinox! 

Much love, 
Becky


*Here's a few more awesome resources on the subject of gender roles and breaking through them :) 
Brene Brown, Jo Paoletti, and even my favorite book by Osho touched on it. Cool stuff that can make a big difference!
















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