Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Yes, I love rainbows. No, I'm not a lesbian… but if I was that would be fabulous :).

“I cannot tell you how great it was to be a teenager in San Fransisco in the 70’s.  Gender was completely fluid. The high school was so focused on academic achievement that the most prestigious people tended to be the chinese girls who where just acing all their classes. If you weren’t bisexual in high school, you had to pretend to be in order to be socially acceptable. I wish that kind of eduction on everyone.” 
- Naomi Wolf

In all my rainbow glory ;) 

I've got rainbow pants, rainbow socks, rainbow shoes, rainbow shirt, rainbow suspenders, rainbow jacket, rainbow earrings, rainbow watch, and who could miss the recent addition of my rainbow hair :).  I’ve also got a rainbow umbrella... and for the purpose of this blog I took a picture of myself wearing just about all of that :) 

Can't forget my rainbow toes! They like the mud ;) 

It’s been almost a full year since I started officially dying my hair. The first on-purpose permanent dye was this two-tone blue amazingness of last February.  Ohhhh lordy, that was the beginning of a passionate color affair for me :). 

I got this color just before my sister's wedding…only after realizing they might not appreciate my bright addition to their wedding photos. I was slightly nervous when I called to tell them, but their response was better-than-dreamed-up. "It's perfect. When our future kids look back at our wedding pictures, they'll say, yup, that's aunt Becky!!"  Niceee :)   

After that phenomenal do, I underwent a series of random, cheap, but still fully awesome color dyes. Even had a few fun friends try and color it with kool-aid and jello powder... you know, junior high style :)

Pinky pink fun :) 
This was 4-color awesomeness…. for about 1 wash. Then it was just purple :)
Good thing I like purple! This one started out blue ;) 

The first on-purpose test color. Washable blue gel when I was Czech Republic summer of '13!
No such thing as an 'accident'.  The real beginning of my affection for coloring my hair began with this inadvertently fabulous dye that happened during the Holi festival of India,  March of 2012. It's a religious event, but ends up being a country-wide reason to throw paint all over each other all day smile emoticon. Some of the paint throw on me was semi-permanent, leaving my face was purple for like 3 days, my hair like this for almost 3 weeks. So happy for this 'accident' :). 

This one is totally a wig... But so awesome, right? :)

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. 

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Being back here in the wonderful state of Washington for the end of 2014, I knew I needed to ring in my Power Year (the year I turn 33!!!!) with some rainbow magic :).  I went back to see Ms. Heather at Strawberry Mountain Salon in White Salmon. She’s a wizard with color (go see her! ) and the one who produced this vibrant good luck charm right on my head :)

La-la-la loviinnnggg it :) 

Since I’ve had this spectacular ‘do’, all sorts of attention has befallen me: compliments, double-takes, high-fives, thumbs-up, as well as blank stares and a few uppity noses. All anticipated with any form of being ‘out-there’, and all welcome because it’s a constant source of my beloved social experiments.  What would you think of someone with rainbow hair?  Would you pre-judge them?  Discount them? or think they were awesome? You just never know.  I walk around with the lesson “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” ready to metaphorically pull out of my back pocket at all times ;). 

This is my thing: Creating opportunities, experiences, events, questions, ideas or space that seeks out truth, growth, change, reasons for others to be bold, be different, or think outside the box. That may sound odd, but I’m odd, so it works :).  In other words, I like to put myself out there, whether that be by my hair, my outfit, some costume, some experiment/performance/blog/video/question/discussion/etc... that, in turn, might make another person turn a head, strike a conversation, ponder another option, consider an alternative, think twice, or just think differently for but a moment.  Light needs only but a crack to enter.   Change needs only but a moment to begin.  Love needs only but a second to ignite. :) 

This is the title I use on my business cards :). It works pretty darn good for now.
…and btw, please notice that 'architect' is listed as a synonym!! Cooooool!!!

The rainbow hair? It’s my badge that I use to announce how I feel on the inside: "I'm colorful" or  “I’m different” or “I’m unique” or “I’m fun” or “I’m crazy” or “I’m special” or “I’m a nut” or “I’m wild” or “I’m a kid at heart” ...or any such interpretation that might rouse up whosoever onlooker. Together with the approachability I strive to emanate, that’s often times enough for this fabulous conversation starter to work it’s charm :).  

All praise and especially jabs alike are greeted with extreme friendliness, because you never know when you might start a domino effect!  Maybe if I'm friendly, they'll be more apt to compliment other details, like the shirt of the nice lady at the coffee stand. And then maybe the coffee lady will give a free drink to the person after that. And then maybe that recipient will go pick a flower for the girl he's been nervous to talk too. And then maybe they'll fall in love and it's happily ever after!!!!...  I mean, might as well dream big :). 

Of course, of the various announcements my rainbow head might make, I’m skipping an obvious one that I don’t identify with; that of “I’m a lesbian”. Clearly the rainbow is a trademark for the LGBT community (I’ve been informed by my favorite adventure- barbie bestie that the word ‘homosexual’ is an expired clinical term from the 70’s and not to be used. Excellent education, thanks Christopher! ;).   But you wonderful gays you, no fair keeping this symbol all to yourselves; not that you want to (or maybe you do, but you’ll share for a good cause, right?). Where did this fear of wearing a rainbow come from? Is it  that pesky societal acceptance thing again?  “We can’t wear a rainbow, oh no, people will think we are gay!” Well, I say It’s too fabulous and showy of a color scheme to not parade around in it, even if that means people will make their assumptions. Let there be assumptions!!! 

Because those that matter don't mind! 

Assuming is natural. I was recently email coordinating with someone named Dru. After a few emails she wrote, “btw, I am a woman.” I laughed so hard because I had assumed it was a man!! We can’t help it often times,  but we CAN act in a way to see if the assumption was correct. I LOVE when people ask me if my hair color and rainbow clothing means I like women.  

Why do I like this question? Because I’m a fan of bringing back the art of asking. Curiosity is an invaluable skill that seems to get lost as we get older, and I have a mission to help bring it back! (check out this RAD video on asking).  It’s quite a terrible thing that as a nation, we’ve gotten so offended by questions, and become so defensive of them, that it’s not even kosher to ask anymore.  Even simple ones like: Do you need help? Why are you doing that?  Why don’t you eat meat? Do you breast or bottle feed?. (**disclaimer.. some people try to be offensive, i.e. internet commenters. Of course, this sucks, but that’s a whole ‘nother topic). We can get so much information from the internet these days, have we foregone getting it from the source of our curiosity to avoid 'the awkwardness' only to just go home and google it?  It seems commonplace to stick with our assumptions and judgements that are based on our own story/background/beliefs/upbringing and that really have almost nothing to do with this other person.  Let’s knock that shit off, okay peeps? Me too. It's worth the conscious effort :). Be Curious, ask questions; Honor curiosity, answer questions! 

SOO, Let’s rally up and LET THERE BE CURIOSITY!!! 

On that note, no I’m not a lesbian :). I'm surprised by the handful of people that have thought I was, even before the rainbows. Not that it bothers me, I suppose I could see some rational behind it.  I did give it a go once, just because I feel I should try everything ;). It wasn’t for me, but I'm glad I tried. Curiosity does not kill the cat, curiosity gives you perspective, understanding, awareness, and a new frame of reference, among other things. Some folks like to argue that gay people ‘choose’ to be gay... and they can just ‘choose’ to not be.  Ummm, no. IMHO, it’s as inherent as our eye color. You can try to mask it with some contacts... but it just isn’t quite the same ;).    I personally know 3 people who have been in heterosexual relationships, only to get divorced and embrace their true self, which was gay.  It’s unfortunate of course for those others deeply effected, but in the end it is SOOO much better to just be your true self, and thus it’s my sincere hope that we are heading towards a time when no one will ever feel the need to hide or cover their sexuality again. YAY for 36 states with legal same-sex marriage!!! 

These are two of my bestest bestest friends in the world (both on left) and their soulmates!  Christopher with Stratton, and Claudia with Belkis. They are not just beautiful and wonderful and charismatic, they truly make the world a better place!!!!! I am so grateful to have lived in Miami to have met and gained these remarkable friendships! 

I guess in all actuality, I’ve kissed a number of girls, but those times fell into the belligerently-drunken-20-somethings-at-a-bar-scenario, and thus they don’t count in my book ;).  But this one time (at band camp! not really, but not too far off!) a couple years ago, there was this one girl who was super rad and funny and through our close- proximity living situation, we developed a fast friendship. She remained platonic in the beginning and then made the big come-on. I, the experience-junkie, decided to just see. See if our burgeoning friendship could translate to attraction, see if it really is soul and personality we are attracted to, and just to satiate my curiosity.  I’ll skip the PG-13 details because they are gratuitous (but if you want to know, I certainly will share!) and jump right to the major things I learned: 
  1. Social Acceptance is waaaayyyy too powerful of a force here in our culture, and even though I like to think I’m immune to it (I’m not) and even though I’d be totally happy if I was sexually attracted to females (I’m not), and even though same-sex relationships are becoming more and more accepted (as they should), the anxiety I felt about ‘getting caught’ was real... because then people would talk.   OMG, talk! That talk! It’s the worst, right? No, it’s stupid. Straight up stupid (and I don’t use that word lightly!)! I almost wish I was bi so I could have a big coming-out and be like, this is SO okay :).  Feeling that society-based fear irritated me since it’s counter to the way I want to live. It made me think about how bold and brave people have to be to come out of a closet. p.s. Here's an aaammmazing video about the closet we all have. It's worth a watch!
  2. I love the science and studies that prove attraction is about energy. Pheromones, scents, aura, chemistry, brainwaves, whatever it is, whatever you call it, it’s pretty much beyond our control. For example, that great guy you wanted to like sooooo bad because he’s great in this way and that way and everyway AND he’s cute.... but it’s a no-go: Energy-mesh fail :).  If you can’t force yourself to like a guy, you certainly can’t force yourself to like a girl (well, you can but that would just be a relationship fail).  For me this female-female experiment was like trying to close my eyes and pretend it was a guy. Not a good success probability there ;). BUT,  If it’s all about energy, maybe that was just the wrong girl, in the same way that it could be the wrong guy? In theory, True. Hmmm. Thus, in conclusion, if there came a women that had the energy I’m magnetized to, then I hope I’d be open to it.  Maybe some day I will evolve to that amazing place of indifference :). I don’t actually think that’s the case though, because interesting as it was, my lesbian experience felt altogether unnatural, too soft and supple, and most importantly cockless.. and that’s just not okay for this BJ ;). 

With all that I say, ROCK ON GAY people!!! I am soooo gay too, gay as in Happyyy!  Why am I so happy? Because every day I engage in the beautiful practice of being authentically me (and me likes to try everything!). It’s not always easy, sometimes scary,  mostly crazy and chaotic, and every once in a while shocking ;).  I’m peeling away the years of layers of societal pressure that we all develop, and unfortunately sometimes suffocate under. It’s a fascinating process, one I thoroughly enjoy. “Be Always Blooming” that’s my motto :).  I’m still wearing a tons of those layers, many unknown as to what they are but identifiable by the fact that I still experience nervousness or embarrassment (albeit rarely in comparison to most). What pleases me immensely, is that I know in the grand scheme of things I know nothing, which makes me so eager to keep growing. The thought of old age brings zero anxiety to me, in fact I’m overly-excited about it. Everyday I learn more.... and with 50+ years to go, that’s over 18,000 days of learning!!!!! I will be a badass old-tiedye-naked-rainbow-hair- lady someday fo’ shizzzzleeee! 

And knowing myself goes hand in hand with this crazy hair :). I wear the rainbow hair because I feel like my soul is a rainbow and I can’t help but try to convey that!!!!!! :)  So, I start by setting myself apart:).  

Certainly, this irritates some people, who scoff and for whatever reason get annoyed and decide to narrow me down into the label of a showboat. She’s just an attention seeker, an exhibitionist, a show off! And to that I’d say:  

“Well, yes. Yes I am.”  :). 

I am an entertainer. So are mannnnyyyy people! Why should that be a problem?  It’s not, though it’s been a process for me to accept that I am an entertainer of an unconventional art for which there is no title... yet ;). What would the world be without entertainers? Boring!! Therefore, I think I’m on the perfect track, and am determined to find my own personal way, even if that means getting the occasion cold shoulders and evil scowl. And really, most of the time it means big smiles, new friends and lots of love :). 

“ You should not be giving people what they want, you should be giving people what they don’t yet know they want. If you’re lucky, people discover what it was that they needed”.  
-Erica Jong

What it all comes down to, is that I like to be seen. My soul feels like a rainbow, so I want that visible on the outside. What does your soul say? Do you wear it? Would you be proud to wear it?  What do you do behind closed doors that you hide? Is there a feeling you hide? Should you hide it? Why do you hide it? Because it’s not good or because you might be chastised?  If you lived in a utopia, with no judgement, no scoffs, no hierarchy, how would you be different? Why should it be different? 

Think about it :).  Aren’t we all just trying to be seen? Isn’t that why people get tattoos? Writing their stories right on their skin? Is that what body piercings are? or wearing popped collars, or dreadlocks, or tie dye, or brand-name purses? Are we trying to represent something? Some way to be seen??   (Hmm... I sense another blog topic :). 

In my case, it’s easier to be seen because I not only like to be the center of attention, but I love to share my innermost thoughts. But what if you don’t? You’re not a performer? Not a big talker? No can still be seen; through your work, your contribution, your generosity. It’s a progression, with the first and most crucial step to being seen starting with seeing, loving, valuing and appreciated yourself first

The biggest shift for me has been learning to see, love, and appreciate myself, regardless of whether or not anyone else does. ... Believe me when I say it makes a world of difference. ....Other people can't see and value you until you see and value yourself. They also can't love and appreciate you until you love and appreciate yourself! Self care, owning every bit of who you are, cultivating confidence, and showing yourself love and appreciation is key. We show others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. Those confident people that others are drawn to simply see and appreciate themselves fully at their core. They exude an attractive energy because they're attracted to and love themselves. It doesn't make you "full of yourself" and self centered, it makes you smart, powerful, and focused on what matters most to your fulfillment and happiness: you.”

With that, I’ll conclude:  When you commit to being the deepest and most vulnerable you, when you begin to follow your true heart, when you learn to love and value yourself so you can be seen, happiness results as a divine by-product, and that special gift you have to contribute to the world will emerge. Move towards your truest self, where there's no embarrassement or conforming. Whether that be as big as a sexual orientation, or as simple as your preference for eccentric clothing, Let. yourself. be. seen.  I’m saying this to you, as well as to myself. Let yourself be seen, in all your perfectly imperfect (and maybe sometimes rainbow) glory!! ;)  

Create a most wonderful and colorful day :) 


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